Just Because I'm an Adult Doesn't Mean I Know How to Regulate My Emotions

Just because I’m an adult doesn’t mean I know how to regulate my emotions. That might sound strange, but the truth is — many of us were never taught how.

The other day, I was walking down a corridor holding a fidget, and someone said,"Looks like you’re getting more peace from that than a child would."

And it stuck with me. Why is it still strange for an adult to carry something that helps them feel calm?

Why do we assume that because we’re grown, we should automatically know how to manage sensory needs, emotional triggers, or anxiety?

Children of this generation are learning to name their feelings and are being given tools and models to help regulate. What an amazing gift. Wouldn’t this be just as effective for adults — especially those living with PTSD, anxiety, or long-standing trauma? Many of us grew up in a time where regulation wasn’t talked about.

We experienced trauma, stress, or simply didn’t have the tools.

The ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study has shown the long-term impact of those early difficulties — and yet, so many adults are still expected to “just cope.”

We were all children once. Just because no one taught us then doesn’t mean we can’t learn now.

I've held this belief for years — and this moment made me reflect on my personal practice and what I value in my work. I hope anyone reading this finds a little calm, or understanding, in knowing that it’s okay to need support. It’s okay to ground yourself. It’s okay to reach for a tool, a breath, or a moment of stillness.

I always think of a special man — Madiba, also known as Nelson Mandela — who said:

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

So let’s educate ourselves and others: emotional regulation has no age limit. Let’s normalise that. For everyone.

If this reflection resonated with you, you’re welcome to explore the rest of the website at your own pace.